Happy Mother's Day?

This weekend is Mother's Day; what a time to be trying to celebrate such holidays.

Mothers in typical families aren't so typical anymore.

Mother's Day isn't a happy day for all, and I wanted to write a letter to some of you.

To the mothers who have lost a child,

I do not know your pain, nor will I pretend to. But I will support you in whatever way I can. Regardless if you lost your child in the womb, or as an adult, you are still a mother and I will acknowledge that. I hope you realize your strength; because on the days when you feel the weakest, like the world is crashing down on you, those are the days you are the strongest.

To the children who have lost their mother,

I hope that you cherish the memories you had with your mother. I hope you smile when you think of her, because she's probably smiling back. I hope you have taken the time to grieve, no matter how long it's been, because she deserves that, and so do you.

To those who have strained relationships with their mother or their child,

I hope that you are able to take the steps to figure out the best way to handle your relationship. I understand that sometimes it is necessary to detach from family members, especially those that continually disrupt your peace. It is not required to hang onto those relationships, and I hope you find the courage to let go of what's holding you back from moving forward, in whatever direction that may be.

To special needs mothers,

You've got this. You didn't choose this path, but this path chose you. Some days you hate it, you want to throw all of your dishes into a rock wall, you want to scream into your pillow and ask WHY? to whoever may be listening. Or you mourn quietly, crying yourself to sleep after writing a post to a social media group because no one else can understand. It's okay to mourn the motherhood you thought you were going to have. It's okay to be angry at the world. And it's okay to celebrate the motherhood you do have. It's okay to tell people your children are your greatest gift. Please don't let anyone tell you how to feel; there is no real handbook for these situations. You're doing great.

To those who have chosen not to be mothers or have opted to terminate a pregnancy,

I know quite a few of these folks, and I respect your decision. There are so many parents who will tell you motherhood is the greatest thing in the world, and your life is not fulfilled until you hold your child in your arms. But simply put, that's literally none of anyone's fucking business.

To those yearning to be mothers,

Whether it's relationships holding you back, finances, fertility complications, I hope that someday you are able to live out your dreams as a mother. I hope you are able to find the best support system, and I hope that you don't value yourself any less because of your current situation.

To the stay-at-home mothers,

I commend you. I hope that you also have a good support system, because it really does take a village. My years at home as a SAHM were admittedly not my favorite, and I didn't have a great support system. I hope you are able to get time to yourself, time with your partner, and time with your friends. I hope your partner values your contribution to the family and shows it every day, not just the one day of the year that's labeled on the calendar.

To the working mothers,

You are also amazing. Whether you're a double income, or single income home, I also hope you are able to get a break every once in awhile. I hope you are able to manage your time effectively to find the best balance in your life. I know sometimes you might lie in your bed at night and wonder if you could do better. Maybe you can do better, and I hope you find the courage to.

To the mothers who have adopted children or play a mother-figure role in someone's life,

You are a badass with a big heart. If no one else has thanked you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. We all know children didn't ask to be put here. So thank you for being a truly selfless person and giving that child a piece of you that you didn't have to. You are impacting that child's life, and other adults do take notice, I promise.

To the single mothers,

Heyyyyyy. You have at least two full-time jobs. You have not only your own heart to look after, but your children's as well. You are not selfish for wanting time to yourself. You are not selfish for wanting to date. You are not selfish for having friends. In fact, I hope you do!

And to all mothers,

You are not selfish for wanting to take a vacation by yourself. You are not selfish for wanting a soak in the tub by yourself. You are not selfish for telling your partner to fuck off when they're expecting too much of you. You are not selfish for standing up for yourself, because misogyny is gross. You are not needy for asking for help. You are not weak for locking yourself in your room and crying. You are not selfish for getting delivery instead of cooking. You are not lazy for hiring a housekeeper. You are not a bad person for drinking or smoking cannabis to take a load off every now and then. Because honestly, a lot of us are either essential workers being forced to go to work in potentially unsafe conditions, or we're nonessential or even illegal, being told we're lazy and how great it must be to sit on our asses collecting socialist money. We're suddenly homeschooling our kids, what the hell is that all about? I didn't sign up for this. But you know what? We're doing it. If you're alive and breathing today, you're doing it.

In the midst of a global pandemic, people are hurting in all kinds of ways and it can come out looking really ugly. As celebrations come and go, you might not feel the happiness. You might not feel like celebrating. You might feel alone.

All of those things are okay, but you are not alone. You might feel like you have no idea what you're doing; BUT NO ONE DOES. Give yourself some grace!

In conclusion: If you don't receive a card, a phone call, or a gift, remember who you are in your heart. Holidays are a great way for people to feel forgotten about because of the toxic society we have been conditioned to. Please don't lose sight of your own value, because of someone else's inability to see it. Or better yet, because maybe they didn't realize that it's even a holiday.

I hope that even if you don't celebrate Mother's Day, or aren't able to, that you find peace in whatever situation you find yourself in.

It takes such little effort to just say "I don't understand your situation, but I'm here to support you."

-Haley Fouts