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Showing posts from August, 2018

Memories

Memory is a funny thing. Do we choose the memories we keep, or do the memories choose us? Today a fellow mommy posted a photo of her baby when she was three months old. I went back through my photos of Summer as a baby and because of my state of mind during most of those months, I think my mind just kind of washed those memories away. I was drowning in depression through Summer's entire infancy. I mourn her infancy because I was so absent mentally. I was in a strange town with strange people and in the winter it was impossible to go outside. I felt completely outcast. Maybe it was by my own doing because I was being someone I was not in order to feel accepted. Would I have been accepted there, for who I am now? And then I found myself looking through my wedding photos. Was it all in my head or did I actually look sad? The discovery and acceptance of the fact that my ex-husband may be a narcissist, my journey through codependents anonymous, and the rediscovery of my se...

Bullsh*t

Thankfully a lot of the drama regarding my ex husband has settled down these last couple of months. I got off Paxil and back on Zoloft and my anxiety has leveled out to a point where I felt comfortable finally enrolling in full-time online school. This has been one of my divorce bucket list items since my ex very first split with me. At the time I actually had re-enrolled in community college and 100% planned on taking classes, but it never got that far. I believe wholeheartedly that this has been meant to be. I don't believe in fate or destiny but I do believe that things are right or wrong. At the time, it wasn't right, but now I have the mentality to commit and see this thing through. I have a career path chosen and I have the support and drive to keep me motivated. I feel so fortunate to have the support I do. I never in my life thought I would be a full-time working, full-time student, full-time single parent. And yet I feel so humbled by all of the people aroun...