Not Another Single Mom Blog!

When my ex-husband first asked for a divorce, I had set goals for myself. I was only thinking six months ahead, because any further than that and my anxiety always got the best of me. My goals were as follows: 1. Get a job 2. Go to school 3. Move out on my own 4. Fix my credit 5. Do more of what I love 6. Learn to love myself as a whole person, and stop expecting someone else to complete me It took me less than a month to complete my first goal. I had applied for 10 jobs, had three interviews and two job offers by the next day. I accepted the job that was completely different from anything I'd ever done before. Granted, my title is "cashier" but I do so much more, in an industry I knew virtually nothing about before beginning this job. I dropped the idea of going back to school for awhile because of my mental state, and the fact that I still didn't know what I would go back to school for. So I decided to put it off until I did know. I am now enrolled int...

This idea has been sitting with me for about a week now. I tried to make it into a song, but my rhyming skills have died a lot since I was an angsty high school teenager. I believe I was born predispositioned with mental illness. I was born a match. My childhood ignited the flame. I never fully understood the science behind mental illness until I was in my early to mid twenties, when it got the worst of me. That is when I grew out of control. I was in a very codependent relationship from age 17-19. That was the wind blowing lightly, spreading embers. I got into drinking and drugs and entered another codependent relationship at age 19. I got pregnant when my then-boyfriend and I were broken up. Gasoline. Resentment. Gasoline. My son was diagnosed with an incurable defect. Gasoline. I became addicted to pain meds. I could never work full time. My life took a completely different path than I expected it to and I didn't know how to find a trail for myself. I spent so ...

This post isn't going to have a topic or a destination. But I've been dying to blog. A lot has happened since my last post. A LOT. I moved into my own apartment - that feels amazing. I did it *almost* by myself, with the help of my mom signing on as basically a ghost roommate. Oh yeah, and my mom moved back. Which has been a huge relief for me, and a bigger help than I realized it would be. My mom helped me go through every. little. thing. in my storage unit. What people don't realize, is that I'm not a hoarder. I'm not messy. I just literally don't have time to do anything. My schedule goes: wake up, shower, get ready for work. wake kids up, get kids fed and dressed. make kids lunches. drop kids off at daycare. go to work. pick kids up from daycare. feed kids dinner. and bathe and go to bed and repeat. My days off are filled with chores, doctors appointments, and trying to rest a little bit. I. Am. Exhausted. So my life has been a series of moves sinc...