This post isn't going to have a topic or a destination. But I've been dying to blog.
A lot has happened since my last post. A LOT.
I moved into my own apartment - that feels amazing. I did it *almost* by myself, with the help of my mom signing on as basically a ghost roommate.
Oh yeah, and my mom moved back. Which has been a huge relief for me, and a bigger help than I realized it would be.
My mom helped me go through every. little. thing. in my storage unit.
What people don't realize, is that I'm not a hoarder. I'm not messy. I just literally don't have time to do anything.
My schedule goes: wake up, shower, get ready for work. wake kids up, get kids fed and dressed. make kids lunches. drop kids off at daycare. go to work. pick kids up from daycare. feed kids dinner. and bathe and go to bed and repeat.
My days off are filled with chores, doctors appointments, and trying to rest a little bit. I. Am. Exhausted.
So my life has been a series of moves since I was 17 years old. I moved first to Seattle, then back home. Then to Texas, then back home. Then move in with my then boyfriend, aka ex husband, then to an apartment. Then back home when I found out I was pregnant. Then out to a townhouse, then to another townhouse, then to my ex mother-in-law's, then back to my parents, then to eastern Oregon, then back to my parents, and now finally into my own cave.
I have never had the time or help to go through and get rid of SHIT.
My ex's way of packing things up was to throw it into garbage bags and call it good.
We never got rid of anything.
People get frustrated with me because I have to go slowly. I get horrible anxiety going through things. It is my biggest trigger.
If I let it get the best of me, I would be a hoarder but it is bearable if I go slowly and have someone help me reason.
This is something that I have hidden for a long time.
People think my car is a mess. Yes, yes it is a mess. But your judgment isn't needed. Help me clean it, please, but do not comment on how messy it is.
I wish I were different. I wish I could find a way around it, but I can't. I just have to go slowly, and people need to understand that.
Beyond that, I have raised my credit score to a 625.
I have applied for school.
I have finally taken the leap and applied. Now to actually begin. That part scares the shit out of me.
I have had to set strict boundaries with my ex.
He loves to twist things in a way that sound like he's not being controlling, but I see straight through the bullshit.
I am more and more glad that he left me, because if I would have stayed I may not have gotten out myself and honestly I don't know what would have happened.
He's getting married this month (supposedly).
My boyfriend is deployed, which has been a true test of my ability to be alone but together at the same time.
When my ex was away at OSUT (one station unit training) I still continued to seek the attention from other guys because I didn't feel secure.
I'm so thankful for the lesson's I've learned along the way.
I had my one year CoDA birthday, and suddenly one year has passed since my ex and I separated.
That was hard.
Looking back at how broken and desperate I was.
But then seeing where I am today.
I did this myself.
Not without the support and love from everyone else, but I did this myself.
I paid off my debt by myself (I'll be debt free next year aside from new student loans).
I raised my credit myself (my ex helped ruin it and it was in the low 400s).
I am doing what I want and it feels so good!
Sorry y'all if this was a little bit everywhere, but my mind has been everywhere. Thank you for your continued support. I love y'all.
"Remember how far you've come,
Not just how far you have to go.
You are not where you want to be,
But neither are you where you used to be."
-Rick Warren
A lot has happened since my last post. A LOT.
I moved into my own apartment - that feels amazing. I did it *almost* by myself, with the help of my mom signing on as basically a ghost roommate.
Oh yeah, and my mom moved back. Which has been a huge relief for me, and a bigger help than I realized it would be.
My mom helped me go through every. little. thing. in my storage unit.
What people don't realize, is that I'm not a hoarder. I'm not messy. I just literally don't have time to do anything.
My schedule goes: wake up, shower, get ready for work. wake kids up, get kids fed and dressed. make kids lunches. drop kids off at daycare. go to work. pick kids up from daycare. feed kids dinner. and bathe and go to bed and repeat.
My days off are filled with chores, doctors appointments, and trying to rest a little bit. I. Am. Exhausted.
So my life has been a series of moves since I was 17 years old. I moved first to Seattle, then back home. Then to Texas, then back home. Then move in with my then boyfriend, aka ex husband, then to an apartment. Then back home when I found out I was pregnant. Then out to a townhouse, then to another townhouse, then to my ex mother-in-law's, then back to my parents, then to eastern Oregon, then back to my parents, and now finally into my own cave.
I have never had the time or help to go through and get rid of SHIT.
My ex's way of packing things up was to throw it into garbage bags and call it good.
We never got rid of anything.
People get frustrated with me because I have to go slowly. I get horrible anxiety going through things. It is my biggest trigger.
If I let it get the best of me, I would be a hoarder but it is bearable if I go slowly and have someone help me reason.
This is something that I have hidden for a long time.
People think my car is a mess. Yes, yes it is a mess. But your judgment isn't needed. Help me clean it, please, but do not comment on how messy it is.
I wish I were different. I wish I could find a way around it, but I can't. I just have to go slowly, and people need to understand that.
Beyond that, I have raised my credit score to a 625.
I have applied for school.
I have finally taken the leap and applied. Now to actually begin. That part scares the shit out of me.
I have had to set strict boundaries with my ex.
He loves to twist things in a way that sound like he's not being controlling, but I see straight through the bullshit.
I am more and more glad that he left me, because if I would have stayed I may not have gotten out myself and honestly I don't know what would have happened.
He's getting married this month (supposedly).
My boyfriend is deployed, which has been a true test of my ability to be alone but together at the same time.
When my ex was away at OSUT (one station unit training) I still continued to seek the attention from other guys because I didn't feel secure.
I'm so thankful for the lesson's I've learned along the way.
I had my one year CoDA birthday, and suddenly one year has passed since my ex and I separated.
That was hard.
Looking back at how broken and desperate I was.
But then seeing where I am today.
I did this myself.
Not without the support and love from everyone else, but I did this myself.
I paid off my debt by myself (I'll be debt free next year aside from new student loans).
I raised my credit myself (my ex helped ruin it and it was in the low 400s).
I am doing what I want and it feels so good!
Sorry y'all if this was a little bit everywhere, but my mind has been everywhere. Thank you for your continued support. I love y'all.
"Remember how far you've come,
Not just how far you have to go.
You are not where you want to be,
But neither are you where you used to be."
-Rick Warren
Comments
Post a Comment