To any normal person,Thank You is a common courtesy. It is something we are taught in elementary school, even as babies and toddlers it is a proper mannerism.
Since I was pregnant with Isaiah and received his diagnosis and prognosis, I've had so many people who are positive and encouraging about it. But a lot of those people are the kind of people who make it sound like they're ignoring reality to make the situation seem better than what it is.
I can appreciate being an optimist, but that's just not me. I see things for what they are and of course I always try to learn a lesson from every situation but that doesn't mean it always has to be a good one.
Let me paint a picture for you:
My entire pregnancy I was told that Isaiah had a lumbosacral lesion in his back, meaning it's lower on the spine, which in turn should 'technically' mean that he would be affected less. I was told by a lot of people, including his doctors, that he would probably walk, most likely wouldn't need a shunt, and delays would be minimal. We were denied SSI because he wasn't "disabled enough". Imagine my surprise when he was only seven days old and I was told over the phone that he needed emergency surgery to place a VP shunt and I wasn't able to be there to see him off at the "kissing corner". Imagine my surprise when we went to his first spina bifida clinic and I was told he would never walk without assistance.
Now, his cognitive delays were pretty minimal as a baby and toddler. I was able to teach him some signs as a baby, like "all done", "love", and he had some words and would dance and clap to songs.
Two-thousand fourteen came along and Isaiah had a multitude of surgeries. Isaiah had a delayed circumcision, corrective eye surgery, a bladder stone removal, and a shunt revision within a few months. Isaiah was a changed baby after this. He had PTSD and anxiety. He chewed his nails to the point of bleeding and crowding his bottom teeth. He woke in the middle of the night screaming and crying. He was terrified of doctors offices, dentists, and anyone wearing scrubs.
He stopped signing, he stopped using his manners, he became socially withdrawn and awkward. He stopped saying hello and goodbye. He didn't ask questions, he only made statements. He wouldn't approach people, or acknowledge them when they approached him. He didn't know how to play with his imagination. He was very literal and unable to pretend.
When I tell people he's socially awkward, it's not meant as an insult to him, or to undermine him because he is such a sweetheart and does open up once he comes out of his shell. But he is very reserved and the people who didn't know him before this change don't understand. They tell me they don't see the delays, or the awkwardness. That's fine that they want to believe that, but I know differently. I knew the Isaiah from before.
And this is also not to say he hasn't come a long way, because he has. He is making leaps and bounds even in his first couple of weeks in kindergarten.
All of this is an extension of the update on Facebook I had posted a couple of weeks ago saying that Isaiah had said "Thank You" to me for the very first time. Isaiah will be six years old in February and I was completely caught by surprise.
The man I'm dating had told me that he has been working with Isaiah on using manners because he's aware of his tendencies, or lack of. His school teachers have been working on it. We've all been working on it. But the other day, when we were driving home from his father's house, my boyfriend had told Isaiah that if he ate all of his chicken nuggets that he would give him a treat. I had to tell Isaiah to take smaller bites because he was inhaling those nuggets. He didn't know what the treat was, but he knew it was something special.
When he finally finished his nuggets, my boyfriend had stopped to use the restroom. Isaiah reminded me that he was promised a treat, so I gave him a handful of M&Ms. When he finished them, he said "I want more!"
I said "Excuse me, that's not how we ask for things nicely."
He said, "I just want some more candy..."
I said, "That's nice, but that was a treat and you won't be getting any more. What you can do is say thank you for the treat."
He got really silly and started yelling "Thank you!" in a character voice.
It was silly and loud and repetitive but he was saying it.
And I couldn't stop grinning at him.
He stopped for a second and said "That just makes you happy."
I tilted my head in endearment and said "Yes, yes it makes me very happy, son."
And he continued doing so and I listened to it like a song.
Isaiah was never formally diagnosed with any behavioral issues, aside from his IEP. But there are things that I know and can't ignore. It's okay for people to tell me that he's doing great, because I know he is. It's okay for people to tell me that he's going at his own pace, because I know he is.
I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders when I heard him say that. And although I haven't heard him say Thank You since then, it was a huge milestone and honestly something I won't ever forget. Not only because of the magical sound of those two words, but also the fact that I have someone in my life who cares so much about my kids that he wants to help in any way he can.
When we met, and when we started talking about him meeting the kids, I told him the kids would attach to him.. especially Isaiah. Isaiah tends to attach to adult males very quickly and it made me nervous. I was also nervous that Summer would become jealous and rebel.
The truth is, nothing ever felt more natural. Yes, Isaiah attached as I predicted, but I've never seen Summer act the way she does around him and I can't express the way it makes me feel when I see them all together.
It's bittersweet because there are parts of my past that will always be there. I may think of them less and less often as time passes by but they will always be a part of me.
Thank you means so much more to me than just thank you.
To me, it is a milestone of my son's enormous progress; and a recognition of not only the relationship I've been able to build with someone new, but also the relationship he's built himself with my kids.
"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude."
-A.A. Milne,
Winnie the Pooh
Since I was pregnant with Isaiah and received his diagnosis and prognosis, I've had so many people who are positive and encouraging about it. But a lot of those people are the kind of people who make it sound like they're ignoring reality to make the situation seem better than what it is.
I can appreciate being an optimist, but that's just not me. I see things for what they are and of course I always try to learn a lesson from every situation but that doesn't mean it always has to be a good one.
Let me paint a picture for you:
My entire pregnancy I was told that Isaiah had a lumbosacral lesion in his back, meaning it's lower on the spine, which in turn should 'technically' mean that he would be affected less. I was told by a lot of people, including his doctors, that he would probably walk, most likely wouldn't need a shunt, and delays would be minimal. We were denied SSI because he wasn't "disabled enough". Imagine my surprise when he was only seven days old and I was told over the phone that he needed emergency surgery to place a VP shunt and I wasn't able to be there to see him off at the "kissing corner". Imagine my surprise when we went to his first spina bifida clinic and I was told he would never walk without assistance.
Now, his cognitive delays were pretty minimal as a baby and toddler. I was able to teach him some signs as a baby, like "all done", "love", and he had some words and would dance and clap to songs.
Two-thousand fourteen came along and Isaiah had a multitude of surgeries. Isaiah had a delayed circumcision, corrective eye surgery, a bladder stone removal, and a shunt revision within a few months. Isaiah was a changed baby after this. He had PTSD and anxiety. He chewed his nails to the point of bleeding and crowding his bottom teeth. He woke in the middle of the night screaming and crying. He was terrified of doctors offices, dentists, and anyone wearing scrubs.
He stopped signing, he stopped using his manners, he became socially withdrawn and awkward. He stopped saying hello and goodbye. He didn't ask questions, he only made statements. He wouldn't approach people, or acknowledge them when they approached him. He didn't know how to play with his imagination. He was very literal and unable to pretend.
When I tell people he's socially awkward, it's not meant as an insult to him, or to undermine him because he is such a sweetheart and does open up once he comes out of his shell. But he is very reserved and the people who didn't know him before this change don't understand. They tell me they don't see the delays, or the awkwardness. That's fine that they want to believe that, but I know differently. I knew the Isaiah from before.
And this is also not to say he hasn't come a long way, because he has. He is making leaps and bounds even in his first couple of weeks in kindergarten.
All of this is an extension of the update on Facebook I had posted a couple of weeks ago saying that Isaiah had said "Thank You" to me for the very first time. Isaiah will be six years old in February and I was completely caught by surprise.
The man I'm dating had told me that he has been working with Isaiah on using manners because he's aware of his tendencies, or lack of. His school teachers have been working on it. We've all been working on it. But the other day, when we were driving home from his father's house, my boyfriend had told Isaiah that if he ate all of his chicken nuggets that he would give him a treat. I had to tell Isaiah to take smaller bites because he was inhaling those nuggets. He didn't know what the treat was, but he knew it was something special.
When he finally finished his nuggets, my boyfriend had stopped to use the restroom. Isaiah reminded me that he was promised a treat, so I gave him a handful of M&Ms. When he finished them, he said "I want more!"
I said "Excuse me, that's not how we ask for things nicely."
He said, "I just want some more candy..."
I said, "That's nice, but that was a treat and you won't be getting any more. What you can do is say thank you for the treat."
He got really silly and started yelling "Thank you!" in a character voice.
It was silly and loud and repetitive but he was saying it.
And I couldn't stop grinning at him.
He stopped for a second and said "That just makes you happy."
I tilted my head in endearment and said "Yes, yes it makes me very happy, son."
And he continued doing so and I listened to it like a song.
Isaiah was never formally diagnosed with any behavioral issues, aside from his IEP. But there are things that I know and can't ignore. It's okay for people to tell me that he's doing great, because I know he is. It's okay for people to tell me that he's going at his own pace, because I know he is.
I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders when I heard him say that. And although I haven't heard him say Thank You since then, it was a huge milestone and honestly something I won't ever forget. Not only because of the magical sound of those two words, but also the fact that I have someone in my life who cares so much about my kids that he wants to help in any way he can.
When we met, and when we started talking about him meeting the kids, I told him the kids would attach to him.. especially Isaiah. Isaiah tends to attach to adult males very quickly and it made me nervous. I was also nervous that Summer would become jealous and rebel.
The truth is, nothing ever felt more natural. Yes, Isaiah attached as I predicted, but I've never seen Summer act the way she does around him and I can't express the way it makes me feel when I see them all together.
It's bittersweet because there are parts of my past that will always be there. I may think of them less and less often as time passes by but they will always be a part of me.
Thank you means so much more to me than just thank you.
To me, it is a milestone of my son's enormous progress; and a recognition of not only the relationship I've been able to build with someone new, but also the relationship he's built himself with my kids.
"Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude."
-A.A. Milne,
Winnie the Pooh
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