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I'm a Sheepdog

One of my divorce bucket list items was to start school.
In fact, one of the very first things I did when my ex husband left me was go to my local community college and look at getting an accounting degree.
He and I had discussed me going back to school while we were together, several times, but I never pulled the trigger.
The only thing keeping me going right after we split was for me to do all of the things I wanted to do with him, without him.
At the time I had to prioritize and go into survival mode. As you all know my credit took a huge hit, my car was almost repossessed; my situation seemed futile.
But I put my head in the game and took the first job I got an offer for. I decided school could wait until I had more stability.


It's now been over a year since the split. He's remarried, my first relationship post-divorce has come and gone.
I decided it's time to start school again. I need to do better for myself, and for my kids. I need a future to look forward to.
I posted in one of my online support groups asking about accredited schools who will allow you to get your degree 100% online. I know this is the only way I'll get to finish my degree.
A couple people brought up Western Governer's University and I looked into it.
I don't want to sound like a commercial because it seems too good to be true, but I'm about to start and they have pushed me every step of the way. Not like salesmen, but guiding me and making sure I follow through with my goals; more like mentors.
This has been the biggest and most important difference between this school and my local community college. The community college is so big, I felt lost. I was basically told I needed to do X, Y, Z and pushed out of the nest. WGU has been extremely supportive and personal. I look forward to starting and can't wait to achieve one of my biggest goals which is to earn my CPA, but first my BSAC. And to my pleasant surprise, I was able to transfer 11/17 of my credits over from university 10 years ago.

Ten years ago?
How the hell did that happen?

Being a mom has made time go by so much faster. I see all of my friends now having babies and I don't even remember those days. I remember a lot of negative stuff, and that to me is really heartbreaking.
Knowing where I was then, and where I am now, I try to make sure that I enjoy more and focus on the moment rather than the past or the future.
My son is starting kindergarten in less than a month and my daughter is talking in full sentences.
Being a mom is the most rewarding, yet tear-jerking life experiences.
Your emotions are so all over the place, as if being a potato full of anxiety wasn't already bad enough.

If I'm being honest, I miss the part of being in a relationship where I had a best friend. Someone to confide in all the time. Someone to do stupid stuff and hold hands with, someone who loved me back.
But as a co-parent, nothing has changed. As a stay-at-home mom I did a lot of stuff on my own. Nothing really changed when we split except that now I'm a full-time working mom still trying to work appointments and snuggles into my schedule.
The few snuggles I can get anymore.
I know school is going to eat up even more of my free time, and momming - let alone dating - is going to be a star in the sky I wish on.
But I also know that as long as I finish strong and keep my head high, I will be proud of myself and my kids will see the sacrifices I've made and will make in order to secure a better future for all of us.

To all moms - single, special needs, married, separated, poly, gay, disabled, trans, mentally ill, we are all in this together. No one of us is better than the next. Yes on the outside I look strong and motivated and inspirational and inspired. And some days I feel like it. But the truth is, all I'm doing is committing myself to be the best human I can be. For myself, and for my kids. And that's all parenthood should be about.

"I'm a sheepdog.
I live to protect the flock,
And confront the wolf."

-LTC (Ret.) Dave Grossman

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