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Beginning/End

Ever since I was young my mom has always been my best friend. Never pushing but always supporting me in my next adventure.
Sunday morning I had to say goodbye. My mom has accepted a new job in Hailey, Idaho and for the first time ever is living in a state outside of Washington.
I had to send my mom off like a kid going to college.
Only she's not coming back.

My mom is a badass. She went back to college at 40, and now at 50 is starting off on a new adventure. She has shown me so much strength in herself lately that it gives me the motivation to keep going.
Sometimes things seem stagnant. Like I have goals, but some days I feel a plateau, even though I can see the horizon.

I thought I would be much more emotional. But through CoDA I have learned that I'm OK with being alone. Despite fighting my fear of abandonment I know the people who love me will always be there, whether it's near or far that doesn't change their love for me.
And not everyone who leaves is leaving me.

I am dealing with a lot of people close to me leaving at the same time and it's really tested my newfound coping mechanisms and self confidence.

A lot of this has to do with losing the victim identification and being supportive and knowing that it's ok for people to leave, because they aren't leaving me.
And even if they do, I will still be okay because I am a badass too.

I am proud of my mom for not giving up; for taking an opportunity that gave her a better future when she could have stayed where she was comfortable and lived a complacent life.

We will be saying goodbye to the home we all grew up in, the home we just rebuilt after the house fire in 2015. But new beginnings are a beautiful thing. To say goodbye to memories, is not always so bad because it just means you're opening the door to so many new memories.

"It's never too late to be whoever you want to be.
I hope you live a life you're proud of,
And if you find that you're not,
I hope you have the strength to start over."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald

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